


Identity

by dreamsofspike



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-04
Updated: 2010-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-11 11:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney gets a look at who he's become... and he's not pleased.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Identity

"And just who the hell are _you_?"

"I'm you, loser... only awesome."

"You can't be me! You're some kind of... of... materialistic, self-obsessed, narcissistic corporate sell-out!"

"Yeah, well... I'm the materialistic self-obsessed, narcissistic corporate sell-out that you'll turn out to be in a few years, so you can get off your high horse anytime..."

"I would _never_ be like you! Not for all the money in the world! You _disgust_ me..."

"Take a better look, kid. Come on, come closer."

"..."

"See anything familiar?"

"Oh, my God..."

"Told you."

"But... how could I... What could possibly happen to... _No!_"

"Yes, my poorly groomed, pathetic friend. You should be grateful that at some time in the not-so-far-off future, you stop being lame and start being awesome -- and you've got me to thank for it!"

"_Thank_ for it? Are you _kidding_ me? Whatever you did to make this happen -- you _destroyed_ me!"

"Uh... _no_. I _saved_ you, you idiot. No woman in her right mind would look twice at you -- no woman _did_. And now, you have more women than you can count, anytime you want them. You have all the money you could ever need, power, influence, and anything else you could ever want..."

"Are you in love?"

"..."

"Well?"

"Love... doesn't exist."

*horrified* "What happened to you?"

"You'll find out in a year or two... and you'll be glad you did."

"No... I'll _never_ be like you, you phony, two-faced, shallow idiot!"

"Oh, yes you will, you pathetic, dirty little piece of hippie trash!"

"_What_ did you call me?"

"You heard me..."

"You disgusting, twisted, slutty little... _mmmpph_! Ugh! What are you _doing_?"

"I... I don't know. You're just... strangely hot when you're all yelling and angry..."

"Get _off_ me!"

"Your lips say get off me... your erection pressing into my thigh says get _me off_... so which is it, kid? I have a feeling this is a once in a lifetime chance, so take advantage while you _mmmppphh_..."

****************************

"This... never happened."

"You know... I'm pretty sure you're right about that."


End file.
